This is a long standing taboo we see more often these days – side bitches being upgraded to wifey status. I feel compelled to drop science on this topic (yes, I said drop science I’m old school dammit).
My journey starts with my new life last few years after a looooooong marriage (did I mention long) and my attempt at becoming a “side bitch.” Don’t look surprised…When you’re older, have your own money and life, being an occasional side piece is actually appealing and fun. No obligations, great sex, and you can “play” with guys you may not normally bring home to mama. Well, this didn’t work out for me, apparently I had “wifey ” material dripping out of every pore, and men had the foresight to avoid the situation. With me knowing what I said I wanted, and what I would accept and allow, were 2 different things. After 20 years of marriage I had a lot to learn about dating apparently.
Here is what else I learned: Ladies, if you have served time as a side hoe to a man who is married or in a relationship and you consider the relationship “love” or “worth waiting for,” please know an important fact…the way a man meets you is how he treats you! If you have begun your relationship with a man accepting being a back up plan, accepting being seat filler (that term I learned from my ex) and most important you have agreed without it being said that when and if you are upgraded you accept he will also have a side hoe on you. You see, marriage or any male/female relationship is God damn work so when a man finds there is a women who will from beginning accept and allow what ain’t right, and allow the man’s happiness before your own and that he doesn’t have to work to hard because you have already without the major benefits shown you will eat whatever – he shovels your way. Upgrading you is easier than building a new relationship (this applies mostly to insecure men). You will always be treated with a side hoe mind frame, he may dress the deception up better but complete honesty, respect, sacrifice and fidelity.you will never get! (Betcha his phone locked giiiirl uh huh)
Ladies who don’t believe me, here’s simple way I will prove this to you. Find a male friend (this friend can have NO romantic aspirations whatsoever) a male relative who you have an open relationship with or a therapist or doctor…then ask them exactly what I have stated…but be ready for the RAW truth!
* With this said Side Hoe’s whether upgraded or not take what you can get, gifts, trips, etc., because it’s more than mileage being put on you, the damage to your spirit may be irreparable. So why not look good while being pimped?*
Gentlemen, if a woman has served as your long-term side hoe knowing you were in a marriage or relationship, it doesn’t matter if you sold them what hey wanted to hear.
Top excuses to a Side Hoe..
- I just stay for the baby
- Financially I can’t afford to leave
- If you can hold on– I’m just trying to find the right time
- I’m afraid she will hurt herself or take my kids from me
If we go for it there are 2 reasons why. #1 – We really aren’t feeling you that deeply and we like the sex or the benefits like gifts, dinners, or sneakers (for the lower level hoes). It’s about fun to us and playing the game. #2 -This is the most common with women; ee don’t think we are worth the complete love and respect of a man and as stated above we have without it being said accepted that this type of situation is okay and enough for us. But you men are more realistic about love so you know this already. However, beware, this type of chick ain’t the one to bring out the best in you or inspire you to greatness. Shit…she’s gotta do this for herself first.
*Real stuff for you fellas — if a woman has genuine love for you, I mean not about what you can give or provide or your status if it’s about only LOVE she won’t accept or tolerate being a Side Hoe. With true genuine love, her heart couldn’t do it if she wanted to, a Louis Vuitton gift certificate won’t buy her time. So beware of upgrading this chick.*
I have to end this article saying a huge Thank You to all the wonderful men I came across who respected and thought enough of me to spare me this situation (or they prob just felt sorry for me after years of being exposed to ranting). Either way I wouldn’t have been open to meet and find a different and special kind of love I know now. There is no RIGHT or WRONG in relationships…let’s just go into them with more honesty!
P.S. The person who read this and at any point said “this doesn’t apply to me,” “my relationship is different,” or “gotten mad while reading,” YOU may be in the most trouble!