I was so tired of being mad. Word of advice, when your anger doesn’t budge…start to look closer at who you are mad at!?
My marriage had just become too draining… 20 years, all my Love, 2 beautiful children, a big pretty house, designer closet, status and I’m damn comfortable. Isn’t this normal? What would leaving mean?
For me this meant no more free tickets to the hottest concerts, no more excitement from people when they hear who your connected to, no more hearing my name and public shout outs on the radio, no more getting out of speeding tickets, walking direct into the hottest clubs or to keep it 100% – no more reaping the benefits of my husband and best friend’s celebrity status. I would be… (Crickets) …regular!
I had to admit, I had never done “regular” only heard about it from friends and in books. It consisted of bad seats at shows, a lot of line waiting, unkempt manicures, cooking EVERY night and something called budgeting and patience. (Please hold…I need a shot and a nap to take all this in.)
You don’t have to be married to a celebrity or public person to struggle with this although dealing with it publicly adds an additional challenge. If you’re married to the cable guy….trust me the thought of loosing lifelong free cable sucks!
Honestly, I didn’t think I would do well in the “regular” category so it gave me this focused energy to find who I was and keep the perks I knew and loved so well.
Now ladies & gentlemen, this is the most critical moment – devising a plan, believing in myself, facing my biggest fears and the possibility of failure. OR and it’s a really big OR I could just go back to my life. I mean I’ve done it for almost 20 years what’s 50 more (catch me I just jumped out the window from the top floor).
Look I built a pretty impressive career, had my own money and savings to fall back on and STILL it was paralyzed at thought of loosing my life as I knew it. So I no longer judge the women who stay in marriages and relationships that aren’t working. Don’t get me wrong, I would loose my best friend (or so i thought until I dug deeper) for the last 20 years, the person I found a way to laugh with every day and the man I gave my everything to.
I was tired of being afraid, I was ready to accept that is was ME who choose to play a back seat to my Ex-husband and I liked being that close to success and fame but still being safe! My life and where it was my doing and my choice. If my relationship had turned sour, abusive and hurtful …..doesn’t matter I was 50% responsible if only because I ACCEPTED it! Incredibly when I took responsibility…it was only then that the anger disappeared! Because I realized no one was in charge of my happiness BUT ME! What I expected from him, maybe he wasn’t capable of the kind of Love or life I wanted….didn’t matter because it’s up to ME to fill that space of happiness, not look to anyone else to fill. He or anyone else couldn’t hurt me anymore.
On your darkest days….ask yourself “Who am I mad at,” then be ready for the answer. Your life will change and be better than you ever imagined.
Disclaimer: I write about my life and my experiences. I am not licensed or a therapist but share the different methods I’ve learned in helping me find solutions & resolution. My biggest source of inspiration is the feedback I receive from my audience. Trust me…I’m listening!